"In Lieu of Flowers" by Shawna Lemay, contributed by Zarret Mills (2025)
I was browsing around online for something that resonated with me and stumbled upon this poem, which I believe I might have read before in high school—it seemed sort of familiar but I can’t quite remember exactly where I had seen it before.
Anyway, the poem appears in Lemay’s book, The Flower Can Always be Changing, and she prefaces the poem with the following apologia: “A few years ago I read a friend’s father’s obituary on Facebook. His father had requested in lieu of flowers, please take a friend or loved one out for lunch.”
Although I love flowers very much, I won’t see them when I’m gone. So in lieu of flowers: Buy a book of poetry written by someone still alive, sit outside with a cup of tea, a glass of wine, and read it out loud, by yourself or to someone, or silently.
Spend some time with a single flower. A rose maybe. Smell it, touch the petals.
Really look at it.
Drink a nice bottle of wine with someone you love.
Or, Champagne. And think of what John Maynard Keynes said, “My only regret in life is that I did not drink more Champagne.” Or what Dom Perignon said when he first tasted the stuff: “Come quickly! I am tasting stars!”
Take out a paint set and lay down some colours.
Watch birds. Common sparrows are fine. Pigeons, too. Geese are nice. Robins.
In lieu of flowers, walk in the trees and watch the light fall into it. Eat an apple, a really nice big one. I hope it’s crisp.
Have a long soak in the bathtub with candles, maybe some rose petals.
Sit on the front stoop and watch the clouds. Have a dish of strawberry ice cream in my name.
If it’s winter, have a cup of hot chocolate outside for me. If it’s summer, a big glass of ice water.
If it’s autumn, collect some leaves and press them in a book you love. I’d like that.
Sit and look out a window and write down what you see. Write some other things down.
In lieu of flowers,
I would wish for you to flower.
I would wish for you to blossom, to open, to be beautiful.
I think this poem really resonates with me because its instruction is to remember the deceased person in all the simple pleasures of life, which I find quite beautiful. There’s no request other than to simply treat yourself to time with your thoughts and your loved ones, which I seriously believe to be one of the most worthwhile things we can do in our short lives.Once again, this poem comes with an added sense of nostalgia for me (for some reason) which made it all the more enjoyable to come across.